Dog anyone?

What a fun night this was... I got home the other day and whenever I get home I have to spend forever letting the dog out. He just likes to take his time. So, I come inside and I go upstairs. Well, the bedroom door is open, which is weird cause we just got home and I didn't think Brian had gone upstairs yet. I was right... somehow I did not completely close the bedroom door when I left in the morning. So I turn on the light and it looked like someone had been sleeping in our bed. The pillows were thrown on the floor, the blankets and sheets had been tossed around and what was that? POO! There was poo on my bed! And then I get closer and there was pee too! I could KILL this STUPID DOG!! I wanted to throw him off the balcony. Almost did, but Brian held me back. This bed is brand freakin' new! We bought it about 2 weeks ago and now there are two nasty stains. Ew. We were able to get most of it out, but seriously, what timing, right? I don't even know how he got up on the bed in the first place. He is like 6 inches tall and the bed is about 3 feet high. He has a hard time jumping onto chairs, let alone the bed... stupid stupid dog. Stupid dog! He is a weiner dog so we could make hot dogs out of him and eat him for dinner...